I don't celebrate Halloween for obvious reasons. It embraces fear, heaviness and darkness. Don't we all have enough of that in our lives?
Wearing a mask suggests deceit and twisted identity. Yet, I often think we, as people, don't have to put on a literal mask to hide who we really are. We hide behind fears and insecurities, afraid others will discover the real person and reject us.When put into writing, it seems so childish, doesn't it?
It evolves in childhood. I hid behind shyness and quietness when I was very young. I'm not sure when I traded in that mask for being " talky" and "outgoing".It earned me desired friends and favor with teachers. In middle school, I masked intelligence to gain popularity and a position as class officer. And still , I struggled with the insecurity of not being accepted. I even sacrificed a little integrity to maintain who I was. On into my teenage years, I qualified as " popular" and " well liked", I suppose, yet I stayed on an emotional roller coaster, putting on changing masks to invite acceptance. I wanted everybody to think I was the greatest! The greatest student, the perfect daughter, the "best" friend, the boys' dream, and a model example in all things!
At the age of 16, I realized that Jesus was the One that really mattered and His acceptance of me was of the most importance. As good as I thought I was, I was broken at my recognition of being a pretender. I experienced an incredible awareness of how needy I was. I began a journey to be what He wanted me to be, disposing of the masks I had been hiding behind.
I'm still on that journey. It's not easy to be genuine and honest and live at risk of rejection. I'd like to say I've been totally successful. But, hurt has pulled me back behind a few masks through life. It has taken God's unfailing patience, love and assistance in peeling those masks back. It hasn't always been easy to unveil the real me. It is always sobering, but comforting, to know God wants me to be honest and open with Him at all times. I can't hide; he's going to come searching me out! He will never reject me or leave me hidden in one of my dark places.
I recently had several days to visit with some very transparent friends. They are so up front with themselves, with others and with God. I am refreshed in their presence. People love them. They are just relaxing to interact with.
Its my goal to immediately have people be at ease in my presence. I want to exude freshness, beauty and genuine security to everyone who knows me. That can only come by having one face all the time: the "me" who lives in the presence of God.
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