At Risk

Proverbs 5:7 "Be not wise in thine own eyes.."

This week I've been thinking about seasons of my life. I've phased through a lot of them and looking back, I wander how I ever got through them. I'm a fairly confident person, but I can remember in many new phases of my womanhood, feeling scared and very unsure of what I was supposed to be doing.

I am cautioned in Proverbs to not be unwise and to not be too sure of myself.  Wisdom is defined as the quality of having experience or knowledge,  your actions being sound because of that knowledge or wisdom. 

Life seems to be unending phases of new ground. I believe God endowed me with common sense ,a measure of knowledge, and an abundance of adaptability when He created me. That still doesn't cause me to always understand how to handle life and its frequent changes.

I am convinced that when women face uncharted seas, we are "At Risk" to some degree.  Being emotional by nature,  we tend to live in uncertainty, because we don't have experience and knowledge for every situation. How can we then be wise? I'm thinking it may come by the hand of the experienced and knowledgeable passing it on to those that are learning. All of us will, at some point, be on the learning or giving end of experience and knowledge.

In my living, loving and teaching, I have discovered that I really need my family, friends and peers. I'm now experiencing probably one if the last phases of my life: aging...I've never been there. Im unsure of what is expected of me. What I do know is that I treasure the wisdom and advice of those I respect and love.

I have some beautiful granddaughters and Sunday School students who are going through the throes of adolescence and who have experienced the " rite of passage" into womanhood. I am observing their questions, reactions and insecurities and remembering.... oh how I remember! I felt ugly, awkward and all around embarrassed at that age. I recall the tears and talks with my daughters...what a merry go round of emotions!  I don't think a girl in that season of life feels prepared at all !  What I do know is that they need lots of assurance and hugs from others. They crave verbal acceptance and unconditional love. And, I, who now have the cherished experience and knowledge,  can do my best to hand out compliments, hugs and hope! I clearly see the "At Risk" and  "Help!" sign hanging around their neck and want to reach out in prayer and love and try to protect them.

I also remember the wildness of falling in love. What a turbulent ride trying to decide if he was a "til death do us part" choice.  One minute I was so sure, the next dealing with issues that caused questions.  But my experience tells me that there are some things I can pass on to my " falling in love" friends.  My caution and progressive committment to God at that "At Risk" time lets me appreciatively look back on some giant spiritual steps I made in those days.  When I see that priceless look on the face of a young lady making those choices,  I remember and I pray and again I hug them. Its a risky road, well travelled,  but has a lot of success stories. They need to see and know about them.

My youngest daughter is living her dream of marriage and babies!  She has two wonderful bundles of fun, 18 months apart, and thus also a lot of work!  As a mom, amidst all the funny stories and hilarious captured memories on camera, that she passes on to me, I'm hearing her sighs, seeing the circles under her eyes and knowing her unspoken questions of like "Can I really do this?" And " How did you survive? " As that "perfect"!! mom who didn't know the answers when mine were small either, I put my arms around my "At Risk" daughter and assure her that she's a great mom, doing a great job! I tell her that I did it;  she can ,too! I pray for wise answers to frantic questions she does voice to me and she is a big part of many prayers for young mothers who didn't know there would be so many sleepless nights and so much sacrifice involved. They had no idea that some days you would trade about anything for just few minutes of quiet and peace and blessed calmness of spirit! They need to be assured,  though they already know in their head, that it's worth it. They need to know I care enough to take a meal, or babysit or just listen.

I am watching my two other daughters and daughter-in-law phase out of the diapers and dependency of their children and go into the challenging years of living with teens and pre-teens who want no input about how to dress and also who feel they are quite equipped with answers to life! I see the parents
often doing flashbacks to their years in that time and I smile when I see their confusion. I've heard comments like" I don't remember acting like that! "Or maybe they do remember; and they're scrambling for answers they can't seem to pull up! I like to tell them the story about me when they were teenagers.  I had heard so many horror stories about raising teenagers, I was franticly trying to find a plan! I was asking
advice, searching and seeking!  One of my dear friends
told me, " Relax, it's not as bad as people make it out
to be. It's just another phase of life. No worse than
the toddler years.. Just a different approach."  I took
heart, and sure enough, I survived!  Oh, I had some tough times feeling incompetent, as a mom, but I plowed right through those years with the help of their dad, who was always there to help balance out the struggles. And, oh,the prayers! They were a constant stream of pleas!  So my answer to these "At Risk" moms is a big hug and a "Hang in there!" When I see my "girls" being so patient and either coaxing a smile or firmly passing out corrective discipline to my sweet, moody teenage grands, I'm so proud of them..they have far surpassed me with technique!

I have nothing but admiration for single moms and widows! Experience has taught me they need lots of hugs. That is one thing they miss the most! Neither do they experience companionship and closeness of the most cherished of relationships. This is probably one of the most " high risk" times in a woman's life because she doesn't have a lot of experienced friends and she certainly doesn't have experience herself,  because this time in her life was unexpected and she was very unprepared.  I haven't experienced it, but I am involved with those who are. Their biggest risk is introverting and shutting others out. They really try to suffer alone and not be a burden to others. But they feel the demands of the public to act normal, smile and be happy. They want to do that,  but the process of getting through this phase of life can be very lonely and difficult. Circumstances and memories will overwhelm them. I admit, I feel inadequate to say and do the right thing, but always, a little gift of time or conversation, a good hug and  an "I care", do give them a boost!  Don't forget that the burden of taking care of these  dear ladies was given to her family and then to the church. We have a duty and responsibility to them.

I am just past what is called a "mid-life crises! In my case, it was rightly named...it was all of a crises!  I can only say that it was the loyalty of those who loved me and my faithful friends who prayed, listened and stood in the gap for me, that helped me to survive. This phase of my life has many unpleasant memories. I had months of living in the "At Risk" zone! My present victory and joy is  in the fact that I am so glad to be through it and that I can offer hope and survival to others  going through this very difficult time in their lives ,through Jesus Christ!

I love older ladies!  I have some very dear friends who have also prayed for me and given me loads of hugs and bucketfuls of encouragement! I see their feebleness and their handicaps,  and I want to hold on to them!  They were my mentors and I still need them! But I am drawing strength from their last phase of life. They are  still being such courageous examples to me. What a legacy for me as I transition into this phase of my life! I'd like to think that the days of living "At Risk" are over. But I see my old friends still needing that hug, looking forward to a phone call, and cherishing a long visit!  They have so much wisdom, experience and knowledge.   I want to soak it up so I can pass it on! But they tell me they still struggle with insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.  That's when I realise that
we will all forever need hugs, words of encouragement and lots of prayers!